The Edible Underwear Party
by RavenWillow
Summary: The lost chapter in the "Party" series! Those crazy girls who brought you "The Pink Tutu Party" and others not-so-proudly present the third installment! Bill gets mauled, Harry lays an egg, and Sirius gets drunk... but what else is new?


_A/N:_ Here it is, the lost chapter in the Party series. This one was originally written after the ferret story (was that the Leather Pants Party? It's all one big blur now... anyway). I highly recommend reading the other stories before this one. Enjoy... as much as you possibly can...

**The Edible Underwear Party**

Staring Raven & Fox

with special guest appearance by Angel

Written by Raven, Fox & Angel

Concept by Raven, Fox & 40 Mexican Whooping Llamas

[Alfred Hitchcock theme plays]

Raven: good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to our underground lair... ok, so it's just my basement.

Fox: hallo again, after an extended vacation, we're ba-a-ack!

R: yep, it's us again. Welcome to... [drum roll] the Edible Underwear Party! So, let's get the party started!

F: let's bring in the cavalry, Sirius Black! *poof*

Sirius: wooa...par-tay! Wait – what am I wearing?

All: edible underwear!

Sirius: OK. [shrugs] Any beer for me?

R: no more beer for you! Don't you remember what happened last time?

Sirius: I can control myself! What do you think I am, an alcoholic?! [silence] OK, fine. ...soooo, can I have a beer?

R: [pause] yes, yes you can.

A: so who's our next guest? Can I pick?

R: be my guest.

A: *poof* Draco Malfoy!

Draco: [staring around wide-eyed] Oh God. Is this another one of your parties?

R: EEK! Draco in edible underwear!

F: what flavour?

A: Can I try? [smiles innocently]

[Draco backs away slowly]

R: enough of this! Let's get some more interesting characters back. *poof*

[all the Weasly brothers appear]

Percy: you guys have the best taste in clothing! These panties _really_ show off my firm butt! [prances]

[Draco screams and runs into Angel's arms]

Fred & George: Oh no, not again... Hey Fox, what's that look for?

F: [smiles] if you don't like your clothing, maybe you don't deserve it... *poof* Nakey Weasleys!

Bill: [with an eye patch and several bandages from his ferret attack] I feel a draft... ooh, nice doggie! [pets a fire hydrant]

F: Hey Bill, bear... I _said_ bear

Bill: argh! [Bill gets mauled]

F: oh well, [shrugs] let's bring out my Irish buddy, Seamus! *poof*

Seamus: RED CARD, REF! RED CARD!! – [looks around] Uh... [sees booze, men in edible underwear, hears the swanky porn music] Damnit! Lee put LSD in my pumpkin juice again!

F: No, no, it's OK. Take some vodka and sit down. This is a smut party. Welcome.

Seamus: OK... who are you guys?

[Sirius stumbles into Seamus]

Sirius: Hey! Irish kid! Have a drink! [passes out]

R: Hmm, better roll him over. He might choke on his own vomit again.

F: Hey, we're missing the star – Harry Potter! *poof* ...Hey, where is he? Harry.... Harry?

Harry: He-e-e-e-e-elp!

[everyone looks out the window. A pack of wild dogs are eating Harry's edible underwear]

A: Who let the dogs out?

[evil glares from all who now have the song stuck in their head]

A: Sorry... and who put Harry out there?

F: I'm sorry, Draco shoved me, trying to get to Harry

Draco: Did not!

Harry: could I get some help please? Hello?

[everyone ignores him]

R: so who's missing?

Ron: Me!

F: you're already here, dumbass.

Ron: nobody likes me...

Draco: no, everybody likes me. [struts, sings] I'm too sexy for my edible undies, so sexy it _hurts_!

A: let's get you out of those things. They must be chafing you [wiggles eyebrows suggestively]

Harry: [banging on the window] Hellooo... I'm cold and there are wolves after me...

[howl]

R: Remus!

F: Yay!

Percy: uh, isn't it a full moon?

A: yeah...

R: so?

Ron: well, Professor Lupin is outside

A, R & F: yeah

Charlie: and so is Harry...

A, R & F: okay...

Sirius: Remus is a werewolf!

[blank stares from Angel, Raven & Fox]

Fred: C'mon, put it together!

A: dear God...

R: Harry is outside...

F: with Remus...

A, R & F: NAKED!

Ron: [sweat drops] close enough

Sirius: I'll let him in! [throws his vodka bottle at the window; window shatters]

[random unenthusiastic applause]

Charlie: Oh, bravo...

Harry: I'm inside! Yay!

[Remus growls]

F: I know what you need! *poof* [Remus-the-werewolf appears in edible underwear]

[Remus starts licking off underwear]

George: oh, he's gonna regret that in the morning.

Bill: oww... [crawling out of a corner, bloody & bruised] bad doggie...

[roar]

F: hey Seamus, wanna play Truth or Dare?

Seamus: sure, truth

F: do you like Dean?

Seamus: uh, dare...

F: try & get the vodka from Sirius

Seamus: damnit! You just want it back

F: damn straight!

Sirius: [standing on the coffee table wrapped in nothing but a pink boa] I AM THE LIZZARD QUEEN!

[everyone slowly backs away]

F: okay, that's it. *poof* [Sirius reappears on the ceiling] You stay there until you're sober!

Sirius: all the blood is rushing to my head... [passes out]

R: now let's get back to Truth or Dare. Harry!

Harry: [wrapping himself in the pink boa] Hu? Oh, umm... dare!

F: we dare you to run around in the rain

R: ya, with a pole in your hand!

F: um, that would _kill_ him

[Raven shrugs]

A: only if Draco has to do it, too!

Ron: you just want him naked

A: so do you!

Ron: [hangs his head] you're stealing my manhood...

R: Ron dear, you never had any to begin with...

[long silence]

F: is it just me, or is this party dead?

R: yes, yes it is.

A: [grabs a megaphone] This party is over! Please return all uneaten underwear to us before leaving!

All: Hey!

R: sorry, that's just the way the rainbow flows

Charlie: what does that mean?

R: [pause] No, _you're_ a dumb question!

Percy: [pompously] I say, if you do not cease at once I shall have to inform Professor McGonagall and you shall all lose many-a house points!

F: [pause] No, _you're_ a cigarette!

R: And now for something completely different *poof*

[they all turn into chickens]

A: much better

F: I'm gonna go watch cartoons

A: me too

R: I'm in

[they leave]

Harry the chicken: cluck cluck cluck.... [lays an egg]

_Fin_

_A/N:_ we sincerely apologize for all that preceded. That is all.


End file.
